The One Where You Grieve on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can be difficult for a multitude of reasons. For me Mother’s Day was difficult because every year there was a day dedicated to someone I so longed to be but with every passing month was reminded that the longing was all I had to hold onto.

I was the woman in Target, walking by the baby section, seeing the adorable onesies, imagining what her little love might look like in the bows or bow ties. I was the woman brushing her hands across the soft baby blankets, looking at the toys and wishing that by that Christmas she would be tripping over all of them.

I was the woman at the baby shower who excused herself to the bathroom to cry, hold herself, wipe her mascara stained cheeks and walk back out with a smile on her face as if she was fine.

I was the woman at parties who had to answer the countless questions of when she would have a child of her own because she was so “good with kids.”

After two years of infertility and another two years of multiple miscarriages I was the woman sitting in the church pew trying to reconcile her faith, trying to figure out who her God was and why they would allow this. I was also the woman who heard multiple messages, few comforting and many that induced such rage such as: “God always has a reason” “It just wasn't God’s timing” “All things work out for the good of those who love Him.” And then I became the woman who had to walk away from those conversations gritting her teeth until finally she wouldn't stand for it anymore and exclaimed "We clearly don't serve the same God!"

For years I was the woman who was a mother on Mother’s Day but was invisible because her babies were born into heaven and not into her arms.

Mother’s Day is hard. If you are struggling this Mother’s Day....I hear you, I see you, I am holding you.

You have the heart of a warrior and the strength of a tiger. You have earned your stripes!

You are not broken. You are beautiful!

Inspired by online post, Grow With Me Consignment